HE'S · A · WHORE

2 clients. I'd dicked around both of them for weeks, filled with ambiguity around what it means to whore with this body. I put so many different gender catch phrases in my ad...it's stressful to guess which character I'm supposed to be. 5 bookings lined up for three days, finally enough impetus to get rid of my face and my butt hair. The shower looked like I had shaved a chihuahua.

I haven't been fucked since new york. I'm salivating for sex. The first trick asked me to greet him with a kiss like we'd known each other for years. I led him into the shower with my mouth on his dick. I used to hate it when johns tried to do anything with my junk, but now, thanks to T, any fumbling touch seems dangerously close to getting me off. He wanted me to tie him up but I just wanted to sit on his dick. He tipped 120 dollars.

The second guy I thought was a cop. Instead he wanted to pass a breath back and forth between us and talk about light refracting into colors as a simile for the omnipresent soul. Bad kisser but strong arms that I grasped onto while he fucked me. He turned me over and fucked in between my thighs. I wasn't sure if I should keep making sex noises because maybe at some point he would notice and then I would be exposed as a faker? When he came I wasn't entirely sure it wasn't death throws as I've gotten nervous about that recently. He gave me 300 dollars.

Biking home I don't see a possible ultimate ending to my hooking career, even as I'm saving up to get my tits chopped off. These times when it is just so sweet and easy I wonder why I don't do this every day. Tricky.

1. This young married man from Tokyo asked me to fist him. He offered me a choice of three roleplays that we could structure around that activity. I opened the door and welcomed him to phase one of the application process for the advanced anal pleasures program. I asked him what qualifications he had and what skills and deficiencies he would bring to his studies. He just giggled and acted like I was being weird. I undressed him and had him on all fours and fucked him with one finger and praised him for his receptivity. I got up to two and then a butt plug and I went to sit in front of him and try and relax him by making out or having him suck me off or something but he was awkwardly focused on the fisting process to the point of it seeming like we were actually in a task group together. So after a bit of a massage I continued. His ass was pretty relaxed, he'd partaken in this activity more than a couple times, I slid my wrist in with much more ease than I've slipped inside the other hole often. He was very non-verbal - every time I asked him what he wanted he murmured that it was fine, that I was the expert...well actually no, but whores are experts at everything even if they've never done it before, so who was I to argue with him? I slid my wrist in and out of his asshole and fucked him pretty hard because it was only time he would make any noise. He jerked himself off and came, his white skin sprung up with red splotches all over his chest and back. As I took my fist out of his ass drops of blood mixed with lube hit my thigh. My black glove had a small pool of bright red blood inside it. I've encountered bleeding when I've fisted people before but this was a tad more than I was used to. I told him about it and he seemed unfazed, even as drops of blood splattered across the white sheets. He took a shower and I changed the bedding because I wanted to pretend like I hadn't made his rectum bleed and it was hard to do that with the evidence mixed with cum drying together in front of us. We hugged awkwardly and he left, then popped his head back in the door to ask if I wanted help with remaking the bed, I said I was ok, thanks. I emailed him after I had an anxiety dream in which he got a fistula but I haven't heard back. I've been assured by my doctor that he will most likely be ok.

2. E and I did a TS seduction scene with a man who was 7 inches shorter than me with a thick bristling blond mustache. He was obsessed with eating his own semen and he would dig his finger into his urethra to dig out precious pre cum and would suck it up with glee. We went through various configurations of trying to finger fuck his clenching butt hole which he was sure would accommodate cock. I'm always unsure what to do with these people who seem to be unaware that their anus has my pinkie trapped in a vise grip. He was being very repetitive and I was feeling sulky and irritated so I made up a competition of who could jack themselves off quickest. He of course came dead last and proceeded to masturbate poised over E and my tits for 15 minutes before he finally squeezed a ton of semen onto my chest. Of course he didn't lick it up as promised and I had to lay still and wait for E to fetch me a damp washcloth. Gross.

3. F send me an email and wanted a booking within the next 2 hours, I never work on such short notice, but it seemed so easy I couldn't pass it up. Domme lite session, a little of the 'commanding him to pleasure me' a little of the effing him in the behind, a tiny bit of electro play. Sometimes I think I'm sleepwalking through these bookings - they are such bread and butter of hooker life. He was a snot, contrite but in a snide kind of way. I kind of like that though, when people are too submissive I feel lost. After we were finished he talked about being a professor of meteorology which I didn't remember was the study of weather patterns until he'd left, but somehow even without that information I was able to carry on a conversation with him about it for 10 minutes.

4. R is my new favorite client. He sees me once a week and although he goes way over time he's so adorably weird and romantic I don't mind. It's interesting - so often people with very similar behaviours make me want to kill but I have a genuine affection for him. Anyway, he was shaking as he opened the apartment door and kissed me furiously then led me to the bedroom. He blindfolded me and called me his slave (which is ludicrous there is absolutely no way in which I'm submissive to him) then gave me my instructions which were to go into 69 position with him and when he started to lick me then I could take off the blindfold and use the tools in front of me to pleasure him into coming. When he came I was to hold the semen in my mouth, put a condom on his dick, hop on it and kiss his load back into his mouth. It ended up being totally funny, a weird game...and although I'm a little phobic about contact with body fluids he's so safe I didn't feel freaked out. While I was playing with his ass and he was sucking me off he kept making noises that made me concerned he was having an asthma attack, but he's just incredibly vocally responsive, which after anal fisting in silence dude was terribly relieving. We cuddled up together for a while and then he asked me to spank his balls because they'd been bad, he squirmed like a puppy while I was doing it and thanked me over and over. In the shower he reeled off all of the fantasies that he wants to enact with me. I know that one day it won't be interesting any more, regulars that are exciting always eventually seem forced. But for now it's good to have something that seems kind of sweet and so so easy.

Last week at the NGLTF Leadership Awards Gavin Newsom was honored for his contributions to LGBT activism, specifically his work to get same-sex marriage passed in San Francisco.

His most infamous moment in the recent campaign was his 'Whether you like it or not' speech which was incorporated into one of the Yes On 8 ads, and has been credited as being a big factor in rousing hysteria to pass prop 8 (you can see it at:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kKn5LNhNto). The idea that Gavin Newsom was even a benefit to No on 8 is largely debatable but in the meantime I'm left wondering why the thousands of queer people that he is negatively affecting with his budget cuts to public health and social service organizations are being ignored as he is being celebrated?

In 2008 hate crimes directed at LGBT folks have jumped 41%, a change thought to have it's roots in reactions to the same-sex marriage showdown - but CUAV - the queer anti-domestic violence and hate crimes advocacy, counseling, and organizing non-profit has had to cut many of it's staff and programs after Gavin Newsoms budget cuts. Some of the many organizations that have been severely affected by these changes have been Saint James Infirmary, Lyon Martin and Tom Waddell - which has had to entirely shut down it's urgent care program. Low income queer and trans folks make a huge percentage of the clients of these clinics, where do they go now? Gavin Newsom is going around bragging about bringing universal health care with Healthy SF, but what does health insurance matter when nobody can get seen?

So, my question is, to which gays and lesbians is Gavin Newsom an ally of? LGBTQQI folks are much more likely to be lower income than our straight and cisgendered counterparts. Young queers move here from less tolerant environments looking for shelter. SF has a high amount of our population who is HIV+, the majority of whom are gay men that need treatment and support and we all need prevention services to keep the incidence rate from skyrocketing during these difficult times. San Francisco has a responsibility to take care of it's residents, and cuts should not come from the public health budget before the salaries of government officials and other, less vital, programs are examined.

The NGLTF has it's priorities severely confused by endorsing wanna be governor Newsom, ignoring his classist policies - especially at this time while the majority of LGBTQQI folks have a lot more to think about in terms of surviving than saying 'I do'.

Please call NGLTF and ask them what where they thinking at
323.671.2400
or email Executive Director Rea Carey at: rcarey@theTaskForce.org

Or go straight to the source and ask our Mayor how expects to be governor when he's failing so badly already (415) 554-6141
gavin.newsom@sfgov.org

And join the Coalition to Save Public Health to stop our city from turning it's back on our poor : http://savepublichealth.wordpress.com/

Thank You!

Those that entertain and those that observe" - Britney Spears 'Circus'

This week was what I needed to jolt of that listlessness that I was developing. It actually felt a bit frightening to commit to going to Las Vegas, I'm so acclimatized to my comfortable bed and privilege to be alone whenever I want, unquestionably. I used to always feel that ticking that meant I needed to move, finding home has changed me more than I expected.

The car trip up brought us into a tiny town 5 hours from 'frisco, it was full of green hills with trees rolling over the landscape. I woke up in the backseat to beatific abandoned houses and winding roads going over creek bridges. We saw a sign that marked 'The National Chavez Center' and we went down the road beside of it down to a complex with houses and a gated in memorial with the united farm workers logo on the door. It was Cesar Chavez's grave and we sat in the grass and talked about the history of that labor movement and I wondered if eating Dole grapes was still fucked up. We were totally alone and walked down paths to houses and clusters of goats in silence. It reminded me of New Mexico and how I miss the landscape in a visceral way.

Later we ate at a diner in Bartow that was a zoo of taxidermied animals mounted on walls, slinking around the corner of a booth, perched on top of the cash register. I ate my vegetarian burrito with the glassy eyes of a zebra trained on me.

( When we got to Las Vegas I passed out. Then stayed in bed most of the next day waiting for the phone to ring. Las Vegas was not the workho(rse) vay cay me and L were expecting. Littered across the strip were cards with pictures of porn stars advertising to 'be at your door in 20 minutes - 35 dollar special'- how can I compete with that? I'm terrible at upselling. One of my tricks took me from Vegas to the suburbs and back and I still only charged him an extra 20 bucks for the extra time. All of my tricks were San Francisco expats, needing that art school drop out look that only hookers from this region can believably provide. )